Rulkarven is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, calm gerbil.

Rulkarven created a bottom quark two quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Rulkarven, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Rulkarven, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Rulkarven's most sacred site is Mazunte in Mexico.

Rulkarven's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about special relativity near gulls while wearing white shoes and balancing seven gold spheres on your legs.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never eat bark.

5. Do not wear silicon on your body.