Dusswitnan Zanhas is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely small, fussy monkey.

Dusswitnan Zanhas created water five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Dusswitnan Zanhas, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Dusswitnan Zanhas, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Dusswitnan Zanhas' most sacred site is Mogonono in Botswana.

Dusswitnan Zanhas' Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink water in mauve rooms.

2. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

3. Run away from red birds, for they are unholy.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Dusswitnan Zanhas.