Xucklaklim is a god.

He takes the form of a giant, astonishing tapir.

Xucklaklim created the Large Magellanic Cloud four million years ago.

If you believe in Xucklaklim, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Xucklaklim, he will sneak up behind you and tap you on the back.

Xucklaklim's most sacred site is Penpont in Scotland.

Xucklaklim's Holy Commandments

1. Never write about ultrasonics.

2. Never think about special relativity near moths while wearing magenta coats and balancing four platinum spheres on your head.

3. Erect a large lead sculpture of Xucklaklim on top of all buildings.

4. Never think about quantum gravity.

5. Run away from gray hamsters, for they are unholy.