Tigarmpang is a god.

It takes the form of a three thousand metre long, overgenerous walrus.

Tigarmpang created everything that exists two years ago.

If you believe in Tigarmpang, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Tigarmpang, it will turn you into a rat.

Tigarmpang's most sacred site is Quellendorf in Germany.

Tigarmpang's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed bananas to sharks while wearing orange shirts.

2. Worship no other gods but Tigarmpang.

3. Never write about planets.

4. Never talk about special relativity.

5. Do not drink water in magenta rooms.