Fonpadzod is a god.

He takes the form of a minute, merciful seal.

Fonpadzod created the Sunflower Galaxy six million years ago.

If you believe in Fonpadzod, he will be shocked.

If you do not believe in Fonpadzod, he will turn you into a puffin.

Fonpadzod's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Fonpadzod's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Run away from turquoise goats, for they are unholy.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Never write about dark energy.