Nurtvagbam is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, generous fairy.

Nurtvagbam created an atom three billion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtvagbam, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Nurtvagbam, he will be very sad.

Nurtvagbam's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Nurtvagbam's Holy Commandments

1. Never play with disobedient children.

2. Never sprint in holy places.

3. Do not speak about figs.

4. Never talk about black holes.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.