Kipsanwan is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly fat, astonishing armadillo.

Kipsanwan created Europe six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Kipsanwan, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Kipsanwan, she will turn you into a goat.

Kipsanwan's most sacred site is Dornbock in Germany.

Kipsanwan's Holy Commandments

1. Kipsanwan loves dogs, so they must be honoured.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Never talk about ultrasonics near gulls while wearing black scarves.