Jonbunjam is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, unselfish coyote.

Jonbunjam created Africa seven million years ago.

If you believe in Jonbunjam, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Jonbunjam, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Jonbunjam's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Jonbunjam's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Jonbunjam loves voles, so they must be respected.

3. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.