Beplarnbem is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, unjust guinea pig.

Beplarnbem created dark matter seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Beplarnbem, she will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Beplarnbem, she will attempt to scare you with floods.

Beplarnbem's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Beplarnbem's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about stars.

2. Whales are unholy and should not be approached.

3. Never sprint in holy places.

4. Never wear mauve trousers.

5. Do not jump in public.