Gonjapxen is a god.

He takes the form of a rotund, quiet donkey.

Gonjapxen created the universe two million years ago.

If you believe in Gonjapxen, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gonjapxen, he will jump up and down on your head.

Gonjapxen's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Gonjapxen's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

2. Do not skip in public.

3. Gonjapxen loves snakes, so they must be honoured.

4. Never talk about quantum field theory near dogs while wearing mauve boots.

5. Hide from pink otters for they are unholy.