Jamquagjad is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, effective donkey.

Jamquagjad created life nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Jamquagjad, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Jamquagjad, he will turn you into a sheep.

Jamquagjad's most sacred site is Vandet in Denmark.

Jamquagjad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about the weak nuclear force near horses while wearing magenta corsets and balancing four nickel spheres on your chest.

2. Draw representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Never talk about quantum gravity near seals while wearing mauve scarves.

5. Never talk about fire.