Tapnilljad is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, emotional snail.

Tapnilljad created the Sun seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Tapnilljad, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tapnilljad, she will cry a lot.

Tapnilljad's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tapnilljad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing red coats.

2. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

3. Your grandchildren must be taught to worship Tapnilljad.

4. Tapnilljad loves badgers, so they must be honoured.

5. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.