Largloopteen Ripvanmob is a god.

He takes the form of a small, compassionate shrew.

Largloopteen Ripvanmob created a charm quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Largloopteen Ripvanmob, he will be happy.

If you do not believe in Largloopteen Ripvanmob, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Largloopteen Ripvanmob's most sacred site is Denshawai in Egypt.

Largloopteen Ripvanmob's Holy Commandments

1. Always obey Largloopteen Ripvanmob's priests.

2. Feed all hungry voles.

3. Show mercy to disobedient children.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Seals are unholy and should not be approached.