Sanquagvonkzen is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, grumpy fox.

Sanquagvonkzen created a Higgs boson two billion years ago.

If you believe in Sanquagvonkzen, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Sanquagvonkzen, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Sanquagvonkzen's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Sanquagvonkzen's Holy Commandments

1. Sheep are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

3. Retreat if eight geese approach from the west.

4. Always make a point of helping unfortunate hamsters.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.