Gatsatbagfidcen is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, unthoughtful porpoise.

Gatsatbagfidcen created the planet Jupiter four years ago.

If you believe in Gatsatbagfidcen, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Gatsatbagfidcen, it will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gatsatbagfidcen's most sacred site is Hetta in Finland.

Gatsatbagfidcen's Holy Commandments

1. Never look at asteroids.

2. Never think ill of sick snails.

3. Paint representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

4. Eagles are unholy and should not be approached.

5. Do not laugh in public.