Bapsanfab is a god.

It takes the form of a planet-sized, conceited seal.

Bapsanfab created a charm quark five billion years ago.

If you believe in Bapsanfab, it will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Bapsanfab, it will boil you in a big pot.

Bapsanfab's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Bapsanfab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not listen to music.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never skip in the presence of ants.

4. Walk at least three thousand metres per day.

5. Never talk about black holes.