Kinnelstik is a god.

She takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, omniscient giraffe.

Kinnelstik created energy four million years ago.

If you believe in Kinnelstik, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Kinnelstik, she will turn you into a duck.

Kinnelstik's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Kinnelstik's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Kinnelstik loves mites, so they must be honoured.

3. Kinnelstik loves tapirs, so they must be respected.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Kinnelstik on top of all buildings.