Stafman is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely thin, unfair jellyfish.

Stafman created light four million years ago.

If you believe in Stafman, she will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Stafman, she will send five hundred and sixty eight geese to peck you to death.

Stafman's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Stafman's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of apples to snails while wearing green stockings.

2. Do not speak about corn.

3. Never talk about dark matter near whales while wearing violet hats and balancing five iron spheres on your neck.

4. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

5. Never think about planets.