Fagkempagbut is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, sapient tapir.

Fagkempagbut created dark matter four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Fagkempagbut, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Fagkempagbut, it will send two she bears to sort you out.

Fagkempagbut's most sacred site is Chilhac in France.

Fagkempagbut's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your neck white.

2. Never feed peanuts to seals while wearing scarves.

3. Never mention dogs.

4. Show mercy to disobedient children.

5. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.