Flamwatcuss is a god.

He takes the form of a large, unsympathetic coyote.

Flamwatcuss created the cosmos four years ago.

If you believe in Flamwatcuss, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Flamwatcuss, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Flamwatcuss' most sacred site is Katballe in Denmark.

Flamwatcuss' Holy Commandments

1. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

2. Never talk about moons.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Flamwatcuss.

4. Never write about spacetime.

5. Do not hurt tapirs.