Hitsterfut is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely fat, egotistical crab.

Hitsterfut created the solar system seven million years ago.

If you believe in Hitsterfut, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Hitsterfut, it will laugh at you.

Hitsterfut's most sacred site is Uruachi in Mexico.

Hitsterfut's Holy Commandments

1. Cats are unholy and should not be approached.

2. Always obey Hitsterfut's priests.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never think about dark energy.

5. Never feed aubergines to seals while wearing jumpers.