Hatbetlam Xenbif is a god.

It takes the form of a huge, selfish narwhal.

Hatbetlam Xenbif created the Sunflower Galaxy eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatbetlam Xenbif, it will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Hatbetlam Xenbif, it will turn you into a mole.

Hatbetlam Xenbif's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Hatbetlam Xenbif's Holy Commandments

1. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

2. Run away if four otters approach from the east.

3. Never think about spacetime near bats while wearing brown kilts and balancing nine titanium spheres on your chest.

4. Erect seven silicon sculptures of Hatbetlam Xenbif on top of important buildings.

5. Never hurt swans.