Gemwikkem is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, omniscient seal.

Gemwikkem created the Milkyway nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Gemwikkem, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Gemwikkem, he will insist you be burnt at the stake.

Gemwikkem's most sacred site is Grimme in Germany.

Gemwikkem's Holy Commandments

1. Worship no other gods but Gemwikkem.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Never think about special relativity near badgers while wearing gray trousers and balancing four silver spheres on your face.

4. Always take life seriously.

5. Do not kill dogs.