Lakyoggig is a god.

She takes the form of an one thousand metre long, omnipotent crab.

Lakyoggig created a Higgs boson seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lakyoggig, she will grant you immortality.

If you do not believe in Lakyoggig, she will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Lakyoggig's most sacred site is Mmankgodi in Botswana.

Lakyoggig's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about nebulae.

2. Never think about dark energy.

3. Always make sure there are no rats in a room before entering it.

4. Worship no other gods but Lakyoggig.

5. Never eat bark.