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She takes the form of a planet-sized, stupid swan.

Yamhivbet Jipsidgen Dogpithin created Europe eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Yamhivbet Jipsidgen Dogpithin, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Yamhivbet Jipsidgen Dogpithin, she will send you a strongly worded letter.

Yamhivbet Jipsidgen Dogpithin's most sacred site is Maijoma in Mexico.

Yamhivbet Jipsidgen Dogpithin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed peanuts to dogs while wearing corsets.

2. Never pour water over plants.

3. Do not covet oxen.

4. Yamhivbet Jipsidgen Dogpithin loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

5. Never talk about black holes.