Xemfonfem is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, sage coyote.

Xemfonfem created energy three million years ago.

If you believe in Xemfonfem, she will celebrate by creating some galaxies.

If you do not believe in Xemfonfem, she will strike you with lightening.

Xemfonfem's most sacred site is Iona in Scotland.

Xemfonfem's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about gravity.

2. Do not wear titanium on your body.

3. Never feed apples to foxes while wearing gray corsets.

4. Never play with disobedient children.

5. Never think about dark matter.