Mapmitlitcim is a god.

He takes the form of a microscopic, conceited yak.

Mapmitlitcim created an electron five billion years ago.

If you believe in Mapmitlitcim, he will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Mapmitlitcim, he will send twenty eight swans to peck you to death.

Mapmitlitcim's most sacred site is Cobbel in Germany.

Mapmitlitcim's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear brown jumpers.

2. Mapmitlitcim must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not wear cyan clothing.

5. Always pray immersed in water.