Bonkquafbot is a god.

He takes the form of an eight thousand metre long, self-assured beaver.

Bonkquafbot created gold two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Bonkquafbot, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Bonkquafbot, he will ignore you.

Bonkquafbot's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Bonkquafbot's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Never feed lots of apples to aardvarks while wearing indigo trousers.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Never talk about fire.