Yartcusslid Zigtigbag is a god.

He takes the form of a slim, kind clam.

Yartcusslid Zigtigbag created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Yartcusslid Zigtigbag, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Yartcusslid Zigtigbag, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Yartcusslid Zigtigbag's most sacred site is Cobbelsdorf in Germany.

Yartcusslid Zigtigbag's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of limes to snails while wearing turquoise hats.

2. Run away from purple mites, for they are unholy.

3. Always make sure there are no dolphins in a room before entering it.

4. Feed all hungry otters.

5. Look mercifully on unfortunate cats.