Cumgonhon is a god.

It takes the form of a plump, stupid human.

Cumgonhon created Europe two million years ago.

If you believe in Cumgonhon, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Cumgonhon, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Cumgonhon's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Cumgonhon's Holy Commandments

1. Treat sacred texts with the utmost of respect.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Paint representations of comets on the walls of your dwelling place in magenta.

4. Do not drink alcohol.

5. Never chant near aardvarks.