Cutjatsin is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, slow shark.

Cutjatsin created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Cutjatsin, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Cutjatsin, he will attempt to scare you with earthquakes.

Cutjatsin's most sacred site is Littoinen in Finland.

Cutjatsin's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed pineapples to snakes while wearing white jumpers.

2. Always make sure there are no goats in a room before entering it.

3. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Always stare at clouds.

5. Cutjatsin must be the most important thing in your life.