Lanfatsis is a god.

She takes the form of a fat, pitiless zebra.

Lanfatsis created tapeworms seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Lanfatsis, she will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Lanfatsis, she will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Lanfatsis' most sacred site is Leps in Germany.

Lanfatsis' Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat cucumbers.

2. Do not eat apples.

3. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

4. Do not shave your back.

5. Never wear brown corsets.