Talcutlog is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, resourceful guinea pig.

Talcutlog created silver four years ago.

If you believe in Talcutlog, she will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Talcutlog, she will boil you in a big pot.

Talcutlog's most sacred site is Troqueer in Scotland.

Talcutlog's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. You must never eat bananas.

3. Do not dye your hair fawn.

4. Never talk about chlorophyll.

5. Do not eat parsnips.