Ratnurlquatbutvinbutcem is a god.

She takes the form of a minute, omniscient monkey.

Ratnurlquatbutvinbutcem created a down quark nine million years ago.

If you believe in Ratnurlquatbutvinbutcem, she will smite all your enemies.

If you do not believe in Ratnurlquatbutvinbutcem, she will destroy your home solar system.

Ratnurlquatbutvinbutcem's most sacred site is Estedt in Germany.

Ratnurlquatbutvinbutcem's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not speak about tomatoes.

3. Pray towards the north.

4. Never eat gooseberries.

5. Always help sheep in need.