Captofjanjip is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, blissful eagle.

Captofjanjip created an atom seven thousand years ago.

If you believe in Captofjanjip, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Captofjanjip, he will boil you in a big pot.

Captofjanjip's most sacred site is Bogogobo in Botswana.

Captofjanjip's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large gold sculpture of Captofjanjip on top of all buildings.

2. Do not drink water in gray rooms.

3. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

4. Always make sure there are no snails in a room before entering it.

5. Bats are unholy and should not be approached.