Gumbimjarn is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, self-assured crab.

Gumbimjarn created an electron four million years ago.

If you believe in Gumbimjarn, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Gumbimjarn, she will jump up and down fuming with anger.

Gumbimjarn's most sacred site is Skive in Denmark.

Gumbimjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Do not hurt geese.

2. Do not wear silicon on your body.

3. Erect a giant zinc sculpture of Gumbimjarn in the centre of the settlement.

4. Never feed lots of turnips to badgers while wearing magenta trousers.

5. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Gumbimjarn.