Carlakyik is a god.

It takes the form of a very large, tiresome giraffe.

Carlakyik created Asia seven million years ago.

If you believe in Carlakyik, it will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Carlakyik, it will destroy your favourite dwarf planet.

Carlakyik's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Carlakyik's Holy Commandments

1. Never paint your back pink.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Carlakyik.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not wear tin on your body.