Garpibjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, self-confident finch.

Garpibjarn created an electron two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Garpibjarn, he will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Garpibjarn, he will turn you into a dog.

Garpibjarn's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Garpibjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never wear red jumpers.

2. You must love Garpibjarn.

3. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

4. Do not dye your hair mauve.

5. Pray towards the west.