Nuttanwik is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, benevolent porpoise.

Nuttanwik created snails seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nuttanwik, she will not care.

If you do not believe in Nuttanwik, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Nuttanwik's most sacred site is Karikalampakkam in India.

Nuttanwik's Holy Commandments

1. Foxes are not to be trusted.

2. Do not hurt horses.

3. Your children must be taught to worship Nuttanwik.

4. Never look at stars.

5. Never talk about fluid mechanics.