Tapjarnbab is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, egotistical centipede.

Tapjarnbab created the planet Saturn seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tapjarnbab, it will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Tapjarnbab, it will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Tapjarnbab's most sacred site is Camon in France.

Tapjarnbab's Holy Commandments

1. Do not cook food in pots.

2. Always pray in complete darkness.

3. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

4. Do not sing in public.

5. Always help geese.