Tipweenar is a god.

She takes the form of an enormous, thoughtless elephant.

Tipweenar created matter seven million years ago.

If you believe in Tipweenar, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tipweenar, she will destroy your favourite planet.

Tipweenar's most sacred site is Rutalahti in Finland.

Tipweenar's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. Never think about the weak nuclear force near rats while wearing magenta tights and balancing eight silicon spheres on your head.

3. Never eat green fruit.

4. Never sit in the presence of ducks.

5. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.