Bomtapwan is a god.

It takes the form of a minute, competent lion.

Bomtapwan created a Higgs boson nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bomtapwan, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Bomtapwan, it will turn you into a plant.

Bomtapwan's most sacred site is Kerris in England.

Bomtapwan's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about optics near pigs while wearing indigo skirts and balancing seven aluminium spheres on your neck.

2. Never feed lots of corn to cats while wearing purple kilts.

3. Hide from cyan great tits for they are unholy.

4. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

5. Always stare at clouds.