Timcipflis is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unthoughtful bear.

Timcipflis created humankind three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Timcipflis, he will visit you to thank you.

If you do not believe in Timcipflis, he will turn you into a goat.

Timcipflis' most sacred site is Dumadumana in Botswana.

Timcipflis' Holy Commandments

1. Never think about bacteria.

2. You must pray to Timcipflis six times a day.

3. Worship no other gods but Timcipflis.

4. Do not covet oxen.

5. Always wear gray.