Jonpinlik is a god.

She takes the form of a large, merciful fly.

Jonpinlik created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Jonpinlik, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Jonpinlik, she will boil you in a big pot.

Jonpinlik's most sacred site is Manna in Greece.

Jonpinlik's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about quantum gravity near grasshopers while wearing green shirts and balancing nine iron spheres on your face.

2. Jonpinlik must be the most important thing in your life.

3. Pray towards the south.

4. Retreat if four manatees approach from the east.

5. Erect a large tin sculpture of Jonpinlik on top of all buildings.