Gad is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, all-knowing tortoise.

Gad created water four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gad, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Gad, he will ignore you and hope you go away.

Gad's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Gad's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of peanuts to aardvarks while wearing purple tights.

2. Never write about comets.

3. Erect a large copper sculpture of Gad on top of all buildings.

4. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

5. Always help mice.