Artcissfon is a god.

She takes the form of a very small, able lobster.

Artcissfon created gold four trillion years ago.

If you believe in Artcissfon, she will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Artcissfon, she will make you grow a tail.

Artcissfon's most sacred site is Glastonbury Tor in England.

Artcissfon's Holy Commandments

1. Do not trade with those who eat peanuts.

2. Do not hurt doves.

3. Worship no other gods but Artcissfon.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Never feed lots of garlic to voles while wearing gray ear rings.