Fumtomfon is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely heavy, charitable alligator.

Fumtomfon created Mount Everest five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Fumtomfon, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Fumtomfon, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Fumtomfon's most sacred site is Faux Cap in Madagascar.

Fumtomfon's Holy Commandments

1. Fumtomfon must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never think about the strong nuclear force.

3. You must love Fumtomfon.

4. You must pray to Fumtomfon four times a day.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of zinc.