Lopganquart is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely small, happy pigeon.

Lopganquart created bats two million years ago.

If you believe in Lopganquart, he will grant you eternal life.

If you do not believe in Lopganquart, he will denounce you as a heretic.

Lopganquart's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Lopganquart's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about horizontal gene transfer.

2. Never eat bark.

3. Never write about galaxies.

4. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

5. You must never eat nuts.