Quamyikpad is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, unsympathetic whale.

Quamyikpad created everything that exists six quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Quamyikpad, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Quamyikpad, she will turn you into a duck.

Quamyikpad's most sacred site is Khwee in Botswana.

Quamyikpad's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not keep five foxes in a large pit.

3. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

4. You must never eat rice.

5. Never look at galaxies.