Larnkomvil is a god.

She takes the form of an exceedingly large, effective jaguar.

Larnkomvil created light five thousand years ago.

If you believe in Larnkomvil, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Larnkomvil, she will send two she bears to sort you out.

Larnkomvil's most sacred site is Pialeia in Greece.

Larnkomvil's Holy Commandments

1. Respect your elders.

2. Fast once a month.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Never talk about sharks.

5. Never pour water over plants.